He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
