I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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