My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
