Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
