i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize