Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Non-Jews are for practice
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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