If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We are all done wearing pants today
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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