i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
