So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
