you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
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im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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