So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
