What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
