ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
