dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
