can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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