8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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