My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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