the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He felt like a one man threesome
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just want to make out with him forever
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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