so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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