i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
