They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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