she looked like the before picture.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
