I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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