I want to make a zoo with you.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
