i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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