Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
