dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
