They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
