i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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