Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
