yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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