Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
