I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
