Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize