Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
