how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
