i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
