I want you more than these girls want KFC
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
