Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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