The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
