Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
