I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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