dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize