I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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