Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i wish my penis had a tongue
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
