A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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