i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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