He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Randomize
