I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
