You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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