I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
