well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
