I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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