That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
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I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
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Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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