yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
