...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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