i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
