Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
