been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
