I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
