remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
