I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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