So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
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Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
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you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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