I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
