He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he thought i was a dude.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I got inside last night via doggy door
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