Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
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It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
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I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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