he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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